Let’s get one thing straight from the start: taking a night off does not make you a bad parent. In fact, it might just be one of the healthiest, most loving things you can do—for yourself, and for your child.
We’ve been fed a lot of messaging over the years that tells us parents should be constantly available, endlessly giving, and last on the priority list. But the truth? You can’t pour from an empty cup.
I’m Kris Geering, and I help good parents become great parents by building confidence, compassion, and connection with their kids, their communities, and themselves. As an author, educator and coach with over 30 years of experience working with families (and mom of twins myself), I’ve seen this pattern of putting yourself last over and over again…and while I’ve also been guilty of it myself, like you I just keep trying to do better!
Self-Care Isn’t Selfish—It’s Strategic
Real, nourishing self-care isn’t bubble baths and massages (though it can be!). It’s about doing the things that refill your tank, emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually. It’s about staying connected to who you are—not just as a parent, but as a person.
For some folks, self-care is a quiet hour with a book or a solo hike. For others, it’s movement and music and laughter shared over a table. Going out—on a date, with friends, or solo—isn’t an escape from your life; it’s a return to your whole self. And that self is who your child relies on to co-regulate, to guide, to love. When you show up for you, that is what helps you show up for them.
Let Go of the Guilt
I’ve talked to so many parents who say things like, “I shouldn’t spend money on myself,” or “I should be home in case they need me.”
As an old teacher once told me, stop “shoulding” on yourself.
Guilt is a loud liar. And underneath it is often the worry that we’re somehow abandoning our role or shirking our responsibilities if we take time for ourselves. Somehow the message has been twisted that taking time for ourselves equals taking time away from our kids. Nope!
Let me say this loud and clear: it is not selfish to have fun. It’s not indulgent to wear something that makes you feel beautiful or joyful or powerful or even sexy (yes, even parents are allowed to feel sexy!). It’s not shallow to care about how you look. In fact, delighting in your own presence can be an act of reclaiming your identity, your sense of self. Because, as you have probably already learned, our concept of who we are changes pretty dramatically once we become a parent,but that doesn’t mean you lose the core of who you are. Rather, it’s an opportunity to expand on it.
Date Night, Redefined
“Date night” doesn’t have to look like what you see in a rom-com. Maybe it’s a night out with your partner. Maybe it’s a first date after a long break. Maybe it’s dinner with a friend who makes you laugh until your face hurts. Or maybe it’s you, taking yourself out—just because you’re worthy of good food, fresh air, live music, and moonlight on your skin.
It doesn’t have to be expensive, either. A picnic. A walk around your favorite downtown spot. That free concert in the park. The art gallery that stays open late. There are so many ways to reconnect with yourself and your joy–the sky’s the limit!
Wear What Lights You Up
My fashion consultant friend Abby Young can help you figure out what to wear (and you should absolutely read her piece if you’re feeling stuck!), but let me just say this: you deserve to feel good in your body and your clothes. Not for anyone else—just for you.
Getting dressed for your night out can be part of the ritual of care. Choose what makes you feel lit up, alive, seen. Wear something that feels like you, not just “mom” or “dad” or “caregiver.” That feeling? It radiates. Your nervous system feels it. And so does your child, when you come home a little more grounded and a little more you. When you let your light shine, everyone gets to bask in the glow.
Parenting from a Full Cup
The goal isn’t to be perfect. It’s to be present. And we’re all better at that when we’re tending to ourselves with the same compassion we give our kids.
So go ahead—make a plan. Say yes to date night. Put on something that makes you smile at your reflection. And let go of the guilt.
You’re not taking time away from your child.
You’re showing them what it looks like to love yourself, too.
If you’d like a little more support on taking care of yourself, as well as taking care of your child, you’re invited to apply for a complimentary Struggles to Cuddles Strategy Session. And if you’re ready to take that next step and step out on the town, be sure to book a call with my friend and fashion expert Abby Young. And don’t forget to check out her article, Date Night Outfit Ideas on my website!
